List Day

My original plan for the blog today went horrifically wrong. So I, naturally, went crying to Melani and Shannon for a topic.

When the three of us get together, it's... not good.

So here are a list of our Top Fifty-Five Things A Romantic Suspense Hero Should Never Say:

1. You first, honey.


2. I want my mommy.


3. Oops. The safety was on.


4. Yes, you do look fat in those handcuffs.


5. I left it in my other pants.


6. I keep it hidden in my comb-over.


7. It's not my fault. You were supposed to grab the GPS.


8. Can you hear me now?


9. Just to let you know, if there's blood, I might faint, but only for a minute.


10. Eww. Come here and kill this spider.


11. I can't run. I'm chafing.


12. Yes, that IS a gun in my pocket.


13. Your mother taught me that.


14. Peekaboo!


15. Dude? Where's my car?


16. I'm afraid of heights.


17. How did I get the beans above the frank?


18. My tele-psychic told me I shouldn't shoot anyone today.


19. That villain isn't such a bad guy. He's just not in touch with his feelings.


20. Me love you long time.


21. I think I broke a heel.


22. Hi. This is Tom, your MySpace friend.


23. Hang tight. Just have to stop to pick up my viagra prescription.


24. Check out my scars. This one is where my last partner shot me and....


25. Darnit! This cockadoodie gun jammed again!


26. It puts the lotion on its skin.


27. Relax. I didn't kill your sister. I only slept with her.


28. Holy MILF, batman.


29. Don't fuck with the tinfoil hat!


30. Sorry. Beans for lunch.


31. I can't drive a stick.


32. Slow down. I'm cramping.


33. I need a tissue.


34. I think I broke a nail.


35. Where's the beef?


36. I've only been on antibiotics 24 hours. I might still be contagious.


37. Nah, don't worry. We can manage with a finger cot.


38. Can I borrow 20 bucks?


39. I can't swi... *glub* *glub* *glub*


40. That was my mom. I didn't put my laundry away this morning.


41. Um, can we go to your place instead? My parents will still be up.


42. I stepped in dog poo.


43. Just put your feet in the stirups.


44. What did you say your name was again?


45. "Eenie, meenie, miney, moe"


46. We have to do it missionary. It's my best side.


47. Oh quit cryin'. No one liked your dog anyhow.


48. Oh, I thought you said "cock and load". Sorry.


49. No. Helicopters mess my hair up.


50. What would TinkyWinky do?


51. Not until you've waxed.


52. Shit. Where did I park the minivan?


53. No tattoo. It might hurt.


54. I think I just peed a little.


55. Yes I know him, quite well in fact. We did time together. And when I say time, I mean hard time.